Hottie-watch – The Muddy Top 5 men!
How can women maintain the high ground in their complaints about the many instances of male sexism? Well they can stop me lowering the tone for starters. But seriously, I just cannot for the life of me resist objectifying Rufus Sewell in the most lascivious way. How flaming hot is this man? Pass the fan people, I’m in meltdown here.
I used to have a celebrity sex pass back in the day. Did you have one of those? Maybe you still do. Mr Muddy’s is still for Kate Moss (though as a boy friend of mine unkindly put it the other day she’s ‘on the turn’). Mine used to be for actor James Purefoy in the extremely likely event that he would bump into me at a party, look deep into my eyes, then whisk me off to the broom cupboard for a magical 10 seconds. That hasn’t happened yet, but now I understand why. Clearly this is because Rufus Sewell has been tripping him up at every opportunity, all the better to keep me for himself.
Oh Rufus *sigh*…
Yes yes, tis true I am now a middle aged woman with a Mexican wave of a midriff and a double chin on my double chin – that’s just the kind of talented woman I am – but by giddadles, there’s no denying I’m still a teenager at heart because I’ve just googled Rufus today to see how old he is (48), how tall (6 ft) and whether he’s married or not (divorced! divorced!). It’s your basic nutjob research. Obviously I am not too old to make a total prat of myself and I’m strangely delighted to discover it.
But wait. Not everyone likes green-eyed stonkers with cheekbones so high you can stick your candlesticks on them, or curly dark Byronesque hair you can lose your hands in for weeks. So in the interests of a broad and well-researched feature, allow me to introduce some alternatives. As luck would have it, there’s so much totty on telly right now that you can’t move for bulging biceps and come-to-bed eyes.
Shall we say hello to former Muddy favourite Jamie Dornan? Mr Christian Gray is about to ditch the smart suits for the chloroform and hoodies in the third series of The Fall, the BBC drama with Gillian Anderson. A leading light in the portrayal of psycho chic, Jamie is a total hotty totty with a pleasing penchant for taking his kit off on a regular basis.
There is, of course, Aidan Turner, all trussed up as Poldark, busy scanning the middle distance around Cornwall. Too pretty and oily for Muddy in truth, but I’m happy to keep him in consideration for the next 10 weeks in case a prolonged case of sycthing pops up on screen.
And finally, for the younger viewer (for your faithful blogger is too ancient to perve at men in their twenties) there are two contenders – Tom Hughes, showing some great early potential as Albert in Victoria, if only he’d shave off that horrrific moustache;
… and that keen bean of a Spanish stallion Gorka Marquez on Strictly. Hips like a snake, tats like a sailor, what’s not to like?
So there you have it. I hope that’s given you a good cultural steer on the best TV programmes to watch this season. Pass the popcorn, I’m not moving until 2017.