Things I’ve learnt about dieting
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Another summer, another diet – another failure? Not for me, my friends!
I have 23 days before I fly off to the Med with my girly posse and abject fear at exposing my pitiful bikini body to the world has given me the nudge to fight the flab for, oooh, the 80th time in 20 years.
Yes indeed, I have just started a new regime and I feel perky, optimistic, and sprightly, so I think it’s a good time to let you into my secrets for successful weight loss.
1. Don’t pretend it’s not a diet. You may say it’s an eating plan, rebalancing your body, sensible nutrition or any such rubbish. I say, ‘Holy crap, I’ve got less than 4 weeks to drop a stone. Arggggghhhh!’. So here I am. On a D.I.E.T.
2. Enjoy the Golden Time of Smugness. This is where I currently float, two day into my ‘eating plan’. Friday night is yet to ruin my ‘no drinking’ resolve. Fear of bikini shame is still stronger than the lure of blue cheese. My girly weekend is still full of pert possibility. Leave me here, I’m in heaven.
3. Don’t measure. Or weigh. Experience has taught me that such activities are unhelpful judgements on progress. Instead, judge your weight loss by how tight your clothes feel. And if your clothes start to feel too tight, go and buy some more. Trust me, the last thing you need in the first week of a diet is your confidence knocked.
4. Have a goal. I’ve booked into do a triathlon for the last 5 years in a row. Injury has prevented me from completing a single one. A weaker mind would regard this as a pathetic failure but I see it for the opportunity for success in the future. So you’ll be delighted to know I have entered the Thame Triathlon this year. Place your bets on my knees, shoulder and back holding out until the finish line.
5. Blame others. I have three children. A demanding job. I’m injury prone. I’m a useless cook. My husband forces me to buy cheese and eat it by the kilogram. Most importantly, Holby City is on at the time I used to go swimming. I mean, what can you do?