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A rant about breasts

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I haven’t had a ratty rant since the deification of Kate Middleton for the extraordinary achievement of managing to give birth.

But yesterday I happened to be clicking idly through some stories on when I came across a full-blown feature about how boobs are trendy. I mean, a whole article about it, a journalistic feature crafted with quotes from models and bookers and all sorts, making serious comment about the re-emergence of nature’s greatest accessory, and I’ve been kind of simmering about it ever since.

And as my mother likes to say, better out than in. So this is what I think.


Body shapes go in and out of fashion, we all know this, but what rankled for me in this feature was the wonder of it all – the incredible breaking news of pert bouncy breasts on the cover of Vogue for the first time in years! Breasts on Hollywood leading ladies! Knockers on the catwalk! – along with the implication that, hey, don’t get too comfortable with those squidgy little fellas on your chest, because in two seasons time the fashion winds might change direction and it could be straight back to the ironing board with you.

I’m neither gloriously endowed or boyishly sexy. I’m normal, slightly over fighting weight, with a pair of breasts that I’ve grown up with and rather like. I’m delighted I’m suddenly in fashion but would really rather that body shape per se doesn’t enter the the ‘what’s fashionable’ debate.

We’re at a stage in fashion design now where everything goes – it’s convenient for fashion editors to group ‘trends’ and interesting to read them too, but we all know that a maxi dress is as acceptable as jump suit, that monochrome is just as striking as florals, and cotton can be as sexy as silk.

The point of fashion, to me anyway – and I say this in theory as I am typing this wearing incredibly unglamorous jeans, cruddy t-shirt and sandals – is that you find the clothes that suit your body, not angst that your body in two seasons time won’t suit the shape of your clothes. Otherwise you’re in danger of sending young girls straight for the Slim-Fast aisle which is plainly disastrous.
So there you go. Rant over. Yes, thanks for asking, I feel a lot better for it!

Over to you, what do you think? You can comment in the box below.




15 comments on “A rant about breasts”

  • Cathy Read May 21, 2014

    I couldn’t agree with you more and it’s about time we as women stopped putting up with this BS and celebrate our individuality.

  • Charlie Riley May 21, 2014

    Great to see the “Hello Boys” pic of Eva Herzigova again – brightened up my day: thanks for sending!

    • muddystiletto May 21, 2014

      I love the fact that you only noticed her breasts and by-passed my rant. Hilarious! Thanks for posting, you’ve just brightened up my day! x

  • Eleanor Powell May 21, 2014

    Well put! I hate the way we are dictated to by fashion designers. I am so glad my 15 year old daughter is quite happy with her pert bum and growing shelf! Now all they have to do is ban airbrushing….hmmm now there is a rant waiting to come out!

  • muddystiletto May 21, 2014

    I’m totally with you. I feel like doing some breast exercises just to make mine even bigger LOL!

  • Hannah May 21, 2014

    I’ve spent a lot of time since puberty hit (late at 16) worrying about my breasts.
    Firstly would I ever grow any, and then, would they ever stop growing. At their peak (!) they were 32 GG’s which promoted much discussion with the boys grammar school across the road. No matter how much I tried to disguise them people always felt it necessary to comment on them. Which I hated.
    I’m 33 now and have breastfed three kids for longer than I would care to mention.They are still pretty big but much tired and sadder looking. But, you know what, I love them now and I wouldn’t change them, not even for a set like Eva’s.

    • muddystiletto May 21, 2014

      Hannah, I adore the sound of your breasts. More power to those lovely orbs!

  • Niki May 21, 2014

    Couldn’t agree more. Fashion should be like a wonderful dress up box – the chance to express ourselves in all our roles, moods and modes. I think young women should be taught that fashion is something to play with on THEIR terms… Not something that should be dictated to them or for them to somehow conform to.

  • Kate May 21, 2014

    It’s simply another month where Vogue are struggling to find enough shallow b******s to fill their pages with. Having a brain is obviously not hot right now at Conde Nast! Love clothes, love fashion but judiciously pick what is right for you and your body and disregard the pressure to be what you’re not. x

    • muddystiletto May 21, 2014

      Well said lady. x

  • Jo Metz May 21, 2014

    I can’t help thinking that an article like this is a blatant promotion for the plastic surgery industry….shameful. I haven’t read the story, but the cover is a clear giveaway…pictures painting 1000 words. Vogue may as well follow it up with an article about little women staying at home and how to iron your husbands ties. Is there a baking recipe in the back of the issue too?

    • muddystiletto May 21, 2014

      Hi Jo, yes there is, it’s a lovely recipe from the 1950s LOL! x

  • Sue May 21, 2014

    I’ve lived long enough by now to know the only sure thing about fashion is that ten years down the line we cannot believe we wore whatever it was fashion dictated. Find a look you are comfortable and happy with and let the world sail by in its silly fashionable look of the moment.

  • cara May 21, 2014

    Kate Upton wouldn’t even be in vogue if she wasn’t the niece of a republican congressman and part of the family that own “whirlpool”. She used her whiteware inheritance to shove her tits in the face of the world. And I for one, could do without them.

    • muddystiletto May 22, 2014

      You could do without whiteware or tits Cara? Or both?! xx


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