Bucks &amp; Oxon


<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-zoom-versus-irl-discuss"><em>Zoom versus IRL: Discuss!</em></h2>



<p>I took the decision to go back to in-real-life parents&#8217; evenings as soon as I could after COVID. The more tech we have in our lives, the more we need to focus on what makes us human. Communication becomes transactional online and you lose the warmth, the eye contact and the smile. I try to get to every parents&#8217; evening that I can and it’s the &#8216;how are things?&#8217; with me that can really make a difference to families, this informal communication is the fundamental gold in schools and education. Having said that, we understand that working parents are time poor, so we offer singular meetings like the tutor appointment online, but where you see 10 teachers, absolutely we do it in real life.</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="667" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/Copy-of-Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-2741-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-179990" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/Copy-of-Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-2741-1.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/Copy-of-Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-2741-1-800x534.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/Copy-of-Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-2741-1-400x267.jpg 400w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-if-the-5-min-slot-isn-t-enough-how-would-you-suggest-a-parent-follows-up"><em>If the 5 min slot isn&#8217;t enough, how would you suggest a parent follows up?</em></h2>



<p>Parents can always make another appointment if five minutes isn’t enough and they have further concerns – if it&#8217;s more convenient, suggest an online meeting. Say it’s after exams and a child hasn’t done well, then we’ll proactively get in touch and let the parents know the grades ahead of parents&#8217; evening. After all, we are both working together for the benefit of the child. There is nothing better for a child than to hear a teacher glowing about them and their parent hearing it, boosting self-esteem and confidence.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-should-you-take-your-kids-to-parents-evening"><em>Should you take your kids to parents&#8217; evening?</em></h2>



<p>It depends how old they are. Here we don’t have your daughter there in Y7 and Y8. But with Y9 to Y11, it’s with the students. It’s that process of handing the baton on from the parents organising the child, then at Sixth Form it’s the child dragging their own parents in and taking charge of their learning. </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-is-a-few-minutes-per-teacher-just-a-waste-of-time"><em>Is a few minutes per teacher just a waste of time?</em></h2>



<p>It is difficult blending coverage vs depth and for the vast majority it’s surprising how long those minutes can be. We have three minutes in Y7 and Y8 and five minutes at GCSE up to 10 minutes if needed at Sixth Form. It is not about the time but being confident that the teacher understands your child. The teacher usually tells you something they’re working on, something they&#8217;re doing well on and how to get them moving further towards their dream. I know it says three to five minutes but in reality there&#8217;s often that extra 10-15 seconds of handing over when you can finish off &#8211; and the smile and body language of a teacher also says a lot.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-you-can-never-see-all-the-teachers-which-ones-should-parents-prioritise-best-subjects-or-worst-subjects-nbsp"><em>You can never see all the teachers &#8211; which ones should parents prioritise? Best subjects or worst subjects?&nbsp;</em></h2>



<p>With three to five-minute slots you can try to book in to see all teachers – the ones who struggle are those with twins but we try hard to accommodate them. It’s important to see the teacher who you think knows your child best – which might be the tutor or form teacher. Next, you should focus on subjects that your child loves and build confidence and academic self esteem by hearing that positivity from their teachers. Then the ones your child doesn’t like so much, and find out why and what the barrier is to your child engaging and doing well, but also how you can help. A child will tell you, &#8216;Don’t see sport&#8217;, but actually the gap in information is all that the sports teacher needs to help move the child forward.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-should-parents-be-more-interested-in-attitude-or-results"><em>What should parents be more interested in &#8211; attitude or results? </em></h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1500" height="1000" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/12/Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-6908.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-179889" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/12/Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-6908.jpg 1500w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/12/Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-6908-800x533.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/12/Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-6908-1000x667.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/12/Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-6908-400x267.jpg 400w" sizes="(max-width: 1500px) 100vw, 1500px" /></figure>



<p>I wouldn’t be fixated on outcomes because 80% for one child is doable but for another is aspirational. I think the tricky thing for schools and parents is where there is a fixation with an outcome. It is difficult for both sides and the accountability that comes with it, but school is like gyms – the expertise and the equipment is all there, it’s about making time and committing to it.&nbsp; </p>



<p>You want to know that the teacher opposite you has an understanding of that child and that is helped by anything you can bring to help fill the teacher in. For instance, why the child might be shy at home about a subject or why they aren&#8217;t engaging in the subject. It all starts from a joint understanding of where your child is standing and what their race is. And when it comes to engagement, a child doesn&#8217;t have to be the person putting their hand up all the time to be engaged. </p>



<p>In many cases, a parents&#8217; evening meeting is about the teacher getting information from the parent. It is not just parents getting a download. It is me turning to you and saying &#8216;I noticed she doesn’t write much in her book and is watchful in the classroom to see other people do a task first before she will engage &#8211; is that what you see at home?&#8217; I want to know what you do at home to help your child feel confident about the next challenge. </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-s-the-question-teachers-wish-all-parents-asked"><em>What’s the question teachers wish all parents asked? </em></h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="667" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-6889.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-179921" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-6889.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-6889-800x534.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/Alexandra-Tandy-Photography-6889-400x267.jpg 400w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>The question that I love when parents ask is, &#8216;What can I do to support what you are doing in the classroom?&#8217; It might be helping children organise their books for the day or encouraging them to look at their timetable. Or reading a book together, or asking about these novels I&#8217;ve suggested. Please don’t ask, &#8216;Why isn&#8217;t X getting an [insert grade here] and how can you make sure they do?</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-do-you-spot-a-pushy-parent-and-what-can-we-as-parents-do-to-avoid-being-overbearing-nbsp"><em>How do you spot a pushy parent and what can we as parents do to avoid being overbearing?&nbsp;</em></h2>



<p>Pushy parents always start off with saying I don’t want to be a pushy parent! But genuinely, all parents have their child&#8217;s best interests at heart and it goes back to outcomes. Quite a few parents have regrets and things they&nbsp;wish they had done and sometimes they can impose that on their child’s education. It&#8217;s more important to focus on what their child is good at. One parent told me the other day, &#8216;She wakes up with a glue gun and goes to sleep with one&#8217;. I love that. Doing maths GCSE early isn’t the key to future success but what is key is to get a solid foundation in mathematical concepts and principles. Focus on what your child is good at, where they are making progress – and not on a set outcome.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-have-you-ever-been-asked-anything-really-weird-during-a-parents-evening"><em>Have you ever been asked anything really weird during a parents&#8217; evening?</em></h2>



<p>In my boarding school role, I was asked for a recommendation for head lice! On another occasion, what I would suggest to get a child&#8217;s brother reading more.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-can-parents-evening-be-a-tool-for-teachers-to-affect-change-in-kids-who-aren-t-responding-to-feedback"><em>Can parents&#8217; evening be a tool for teachers to affect change in kids who aren&#8217;t responding to feedback? </em></h2>



<p>Yes, yes and yes! There are always a group of teachers at the end of a parents&#8217; evening who say X didn’t come and I really needed to see them. Great teaching is all about relationships – and that&#8217;s even more powerful for reluctant students. Sitting with parents and praising a child to the hilt is a great way to get the child on side. Or when a teacher opens up the books with the parent to show an example of really good work and where the work isn&#8217;t consistent. Bringing parents into the child’s learning and facilitating discussions at home is key to a great education.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-is-parents-evening-a-time-to-bring-up-friendship-and-other-issues"><em>Is parents&#8217; evening a time to bring up friendship and other issues? </em></h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/12/big_IMG_9686.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-179888" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/12/big_IMG_9686.jpg 1500w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/12/big_IMG_9686-800x600.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/12/big_IMG_9686-1000x750.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2024/12/big_IMG_9686-400x300.jpg 400w" sizes="(max-width: 1500px) 100vw, 1500px" /></figure>



<p>Oxford High School GDST is for ages 4-19 years and a child changes so much in that time. Meeting face to face is about sorting out those concerns and worries before they become big things and are the focus of your life. Bring up a friendship issue as an aside with a Head of Year early, so it can be dealt with sensitivity, gently and compassionately, before it becomes a big thing.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-any-final-nugget-of-advice-for-parents"><em>Any final nugget of advice for parents?</em></h2>



<p>My advice to parents would be, if you can&#8217;t go, email the school and ask for contact some other way – it is so important to get on-the-ground feedback. We just had our Y7 parents&#8217; evening and we had six parents that didn’t come, so we have spoken to the children&#8217;s teachers and got them a round robin of feedback. It&#8217;s all about that repeated informal feedback. If you can’t go, don’t feel that you can’t ask for feedback. It is your absolute right to get that. </p>



<p><strong><em>Want to know more about Marina and Oxford High School GDST? Read our Muddy review <a href="https://bucksoxon.muddystilettos.co.uk/kids/school-reviews/oxford-high-school/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">here</a>.</em></strong></p>


What to ask at your next parents’ evening

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