Bucks &amp; Oxon


<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="919" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/ARKMEDIATION.png" alt="Ark Mediation life admin" class="wp-image-181401" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/ARKMEDIATION.png 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/ARKMEDIATION-800x735.png 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/01/ARKMEDIATION-400x368.png 400w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>While divorce is, sadly, an inevitable part of life, the good news is that relationship splits don&#8217;t always have to be messy. Mediation services can help achieve the best outcome for both parties, whether that&#8217;s in sorting out finances or agreeing co-parenting arrangements. </p>



<p>Mediation helps to keep divorce out of the courtroom and ensures everyone&#8217;s voice is heard. <a href="https://bucksoxon.muddystilettos.co.uk/little-black-book/directory/ark-mediation/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Ark Mediation</a>, based near Great Missenden, plays a crucial part in these all-important conversations. We talked to Ark Mediation&#8217;s founder, Romina Kamran, an accredited mediator, to get the low-down on how to keep things as amicable as possible.</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="848" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ark-romina-3.jpg" alt="Ark Mediation Romina Kamran" class="wp-image-186004" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ark-romina-3.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ark-romina-3-800x678.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ark-romina-3-400x339.jpg 400w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Romina Kamran, founder of Ark Mediation</figcaption></figure>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-for-readers-unfamiliar-with-mediation-what-is-it-and-how-does-it-work">For readers unfamiliar with mediation, what is it and how does it work?</h4>



<p>Mediation is an alternative to litigation. It is not an adversarial approach, it is about people trying to reach an agreement that feels right for them. Divorce and separation are the biggest areas for mediation, but it can be used across a variety of topics – I have grandparents and siblings coming to me to try to resolve their disputes without going to court.  </p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-is-mediation-a-legal-requirement-in-divorce-proceedings">Is mediation a legal requirement in divorce proceedings?</h4>



<p>If one or both parties in the divorce proceedings want to go to court to figure out children arrangements or finances, then you must have attended a meeting with a mediator first, because they provide you with the certificate that allows you to apply to court. So mediation is legal in the sense that you can&#8217;t get anywhere in the court process without meeting a mediator first. However there are certain exceptions, e.g. cases involving domestic abuse or child protection issues.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-so-you-re-here-to-take-the-pressure-off-the-courts">So you&#8217;re here to take the pressure off the courts?</h4>



<p>We have lots of clients coming to us intending to go to court, then we tell them what the process involves and they hold off. Mediation filters out all those people who could actually resolve their dispute outside court.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-does-mediation-help-take-the-pain-out-of-the-separation-process">How does mediation help take the pain out of the separation process?</h4>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="1000" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK6-copy.jpg" alt="Ark Mediation mother and child" class="wp-image-186017" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK6-copy.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK6-copy-800x800.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK6-copy-400x400.jpg 400w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK6-copy-500x500.jpg 500w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>When people go through the court system, they often walk away feeling disappointed and deflated. For children arrangements, for example, there&#8217;s a good chance a magistrate may propose a plan that does not fully align with what the parents believe is best for their child. It can be challenging for parents to have such an important decision made by someone else, which may feel disheartening – even if the magistrate&#8217;s plan is well-intentioned. So, not only is going to court expensive and time-consuming and you come out of it disliking each other, but the outcome is very rarely exactly what you wanted and expected.</p>



<p>In the case of financial disputes, once the finances have been settled in court, that&#8217;s it – it&#8217;s done and dusted. But for children arrangements it doesn&#8217;t work like that. The courts give you a framework that has been decided by an outside party to then take away and put into practice in daily life. People can find that very painful once they&#8217;re in it. In mediation we try to stop couples focusing on winning an argument against each other and work out what is in the best interests of their child or children. We ask them to think about what their child would say to them if they could decide the outcome. Successful co-parenting means both parents putting the child at the centre and working out what is best for them.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-much-does-it-cost-to-settle-a-dispute-in-court">How much does it cost to settle a dispute in court?</h4>



<p>If you represent yourself in court for children arrangements (and many parents do, because no one is better-placed to advocate for your child), then going to court will only cost you the fee for court order (around £300), plus the cost of your time off work. But as soon as you get legal representation – generally a solicitor, rather than a barrister – the costs can run into thousands of pounds very quickly. Clients bringing financial disputes will almost always have representation because of the complexity of the issue. It&#8217;s not uncommon to spend between £15k and £60k to get to a final hearing.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-ouch-and-how-much-does-mediation-cost-by-comparison">Ouch! And how much does mediation cost, by comparison?</h4>



<p>Mediators charge, on average, from £300-£400 for the first joint session, and financial aid is available. The Ministry of Justice provides a £500 voucher to go towards the cost of mediation – the caveat is that it can only be used for joint meetings to resolve children arrangements. Generally, the £500 only covers the first joint meeting, but at least it gets people into mediation. Legal aid is available for clients who are on universal credit – but you have to find a mediation service that has a contract to provide legal aid.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-once-you-ve-signed-up-for-mediation-how-does-the-process-work">Once you&#8217;ve signed up for mediation, how does the process work?</h4>



<p>It starts with a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (commonly called a MIAM), which is the first stage in any dispute. Both parties will have an individual meeting, because we have to do domestic abuse checks and make sure there is no coercion going on. At the first individual meetings, we talk to each side and advise whether their issues are suitable for mediation. If they are suitable, we move to a joint session.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-are-the-different-options-for-mediation">What are the different options for mediation?</h4>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="667" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK3.jpg" alt="Ark Mediation happy family" class="wp-image-186014" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK3.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK3-800x534.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK3-400x267.jpg 400w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>There&#8217;s family and child mediation, which allows everyone involved to have their concerns heard, or co-mediation, where there are two mediators working with the clients. Mediators tend to be female, so some men may ask for a male mediator to be present too. We are completely impartial; my focus is always on getting a financial settlement that makes sense, or reaching the best outcome for children.</p>



<p>The majority of our sessions are held online but I can provide office space for face-to-face meetings – I just pass on the cost of the room hire. I would never go to a client&#8217;s home for safety reasons. We deal with all sorts of topics and there have been situations where I was very grateful I was either in a public place or at home. Emotions can run high during relationship splits, especially when children are involved.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-many-sessions-of-mediation-does-it-take-to-resolved-most-disputes">How many sessions of mediation does it take to resolved most disputes?</h4>



<p>For children arrangements, clients can often resolve their issues in one session and they don&#8217;t come back, but more complicated cases may take up to three sessions. Financial disputes can take between five and seven sessions. In the 10 years since I&#8217;ve been a mediator, I&#8217;ve never mediated beyond seven sessions.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-once-the-mediation-sessions-have-finished-is-it-all-done-and-dusted">Once the mediation sessions have finished, is it all done and dusted?</h4>



<p>For financial arrangements, the agreement we draw up during mediation is recorded in a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU). This document is not legally binding on its own but can be taken to a solicitor, who will draft it into a legally binding consent order as part of your divorce settlement. Children arrangements don&#8217;t need to be drawn up as a legally binding document, and we find that once parents have worked through their issues, the majority of parents don&#8217;t want something in black and white they legally have to adhere to.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-does-it-feel-like-couples-therapy">Does it feel like couples therapy?</h4>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="667" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK5.jpg" alt="Ark Mediation parent and child" class="wp-image-186016" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK5.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK5-800x534.jpg 800w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/bucksoxon/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2025/03/ARK5-400x267.jpg 400w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>It&#8217;s a tricky one. We&#8217;re not therapists. But does mediation feel like therapy sometimes? Probably. Only because when you are talking about communication, you lean in to that. Often, we are stating the obvious, but hearing it from an impartial third party can feel meaningful for clients. </p>



<p>I have had wonderful moments where mediation has managed to unpick the couple&#8217;s thinking, and it&#8217;s almost like a lightbulb moment. The clients do all the work, and they are the ones making connections, but the mediator is guiding them to that point. Often our clients will also be working with relationship therapists – divorce coaches are popping up everywhere.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-percentage-of-your-clients-don-t-manage-to-sort-out-their-issues-and-still-need-to-go-to-court">What percentage of your clients don&#8217;t manage to sort out their issues and still need to go to court?</h4>



<p>According to the Family Mediation Council, over 70% of mediations result in a full or partial agreement, reducing the need for lengthy court proceedings. If clients can&#8217;t reach an agreement in mediation, at that point we step out and give them the certificate that allows them to apply to court. Even if they&#8217;ve made good progress with us, it&#8217;s then back to the drawing board for them.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-training-do-you-need-to-become-a-mediator">What training do you need to become a mediator?</h4>



<p>Mediators need to be trained through the Family Mediation Council, which is our governing body, and all mediators have to be registered through them. I did a law degree first, which meant I already understood how the court system works and frameworks like the Matrimonial Act. Accreditation can take up to three years, and that means you are fully trained and can sign court forms.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-advice-do-you-have-for-couples-looking-for-a-mediator">What advice do you have for couples looking for a mediator?</h4>



<p>If you&#8217;re looking for a mediator, check they are fully accredited through the <a href="https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Family Mediation Council</a> and have been fully trained before taking on clients. I set up Ark Mediation in 2020 and we now have two accredited mediators and a trainee. My dream is to help improve access to mediation for people who may not otherwise have the financial means. It can make such a difference to people at a hugely stressful time.</p>



<ul>
<li><em><strong><a href="https://www.arkmediation.co.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Ark Mediation</a> is based near Great Missenden and works with clients across Buckinghamshire and beyond. If you need help navigating a split, <a href="mailto:contact@arkmediation.co.uk">email</a> the team at or call 07397 539055. Unsure of your options? <a href="https://www.arkmediation.co.uk/miam-questionnaire" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Take Ark&#8217;s free one-minute questionnaire</a> to decide if mediation is right for you. </strong></em></li>
</ul>


Divorce on the cards? Here’s how to keep it amicable

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