If you’re looking for Farrow & Ball hues and understated elegance, Crazy Bear isn’t for you! The uber glam pair of hotel/restaurants in Bucks’ Beaconsfield and Oxon’s Stadhampton are all about unfettered decadence with zebra print fabrics, padded walls and crystal chandeliers as standard.

Crazy Bear opened its Stadhampton property, just outside Oxford, over 30 years ago back in 1993, but it still feels as fresh and innovative now as it did back then. The stone and brick ivy-clad hotel may look classic country-escape from the outside but once inside you’re quickly transported into the opulence of the Crazy Bear world. There’s four room types – decadent, boujee, snug and cosy, which vary really by size but let’s just say there’s plenty of velvet wallpaper and gold gilt to go around! A minute’s drive away is the five-bedroom Garden House, with all the Crazy Bear bonkers-ness but in a self catering set-up.

The Bucks story all began with the transformation of a fifteenth century coaching inn, the oldest documented building in the chi-chi, elegant old part of Beaconsfield, in 2008. What emerged shook up the country hotel world with its OTT decor and the kind of bedroom interiors that Hugh Heffner would have been happy to call home – think with copper roll top baths, rococo chairs and out-there colour schemes. Rooms are in the main building and surrounding cottages and there’s the same four room types as Stadhampton. Decadent 7 is a personal fave for its feature round window and gold bed but go for Decadent 9 if you want a lighter, brighter space with less rich colour scheme.

Both hotels have two restaurants – English and Thai, all sultry, moody and plush – perfect for date nights and dirty weekends, but it’s not a case of style over substance. At both English Restaurants, seasonal food, contemporary takes on classic dishes and rare-breed meats are among the calling cards. Think venison with rhubarb ketchup and honey croutons or open ravioli with asparagus, Jerusalem artichoke, homemade soya ricotta and truffle – the veggie dishes are as tantalising as the meat and fish. Meanwhile the Thai restaurants offer exceptionally authentic tasting food that’s freshly prepared like crispy Gressingham duck salad with white onion, red onion, celery, roasted cherry tomatoes, coriander, coconut and chilli paste, or shiitake, button and chestnut mushroom satay with arjard cucumber relish and peanut dipping sauce. Or just go for the good old fashioned green Thai curry – you’ll struggle to find a more aromatic one this side of Bangkok.

Speaking of authentic, the Thai massages are pretty epic – book in for one at either Stadhampton or Beaconsfield during your stay and work out those cricks and cracks in a dedicated massage space with warmed aromatherapy oils at the hands of a pro in Thai healing.

Fancy some alfresco fun? Beaconsfield adds to its crown a lavish swimming pool surrounded by seating strewn with lanterns, rugs and cushions for anything from afternoon tea to cocktails and lights bites (though swimming in the pool is for hotel guests only) and at the weekend there’s often a DJ – who needs Ibiza baby? Meanwhile at Stadhampton there’s plenty of alfresco spaces for drinks and dining and the gorgeous glasshouse for private events. Both properties are big on corporate and party/wedding spaces for a night that your guests – and their insta – won’t forget.